I feel like most of my designs are very intentional, whether they are a joke or sentimental. All are intentional and have pieces of my healing journey imbedded in them. I wanted to let you inside to show you the intention and meaning behind this Valentine’s Day collection.
I grew up being taught that as a woman my ultimate purpose was to become a wife, and a mother. The pressure to marry young and start a family is overwhelming to say the least. Focusing on myself was considered selfish. I was meant to serve those around me so that I could receive these “blessings”. I was taught that saying no and having boundaries would not make me a pleasant woman. I needed to make myself small, be submissive, and fit into this mold that was predetermined. If you know me, you know I am not small. I am not quiet, and I wouldn’t consider myself “pleasant”. Trying to be what I was supposed to be and fighting against who I am was a constant battle for many years. Fighting who I really am created a lot of animosity for myself.
There was this WILD expectation that I had for myself at the young age of 18 to go off to college, meet my husband and we would live happily ever after. Well 18 came and went and I was still single. I was embarrassed, I felt unworthy. I felt like a failure to my purpose. Each year that I was single and Valentine’s Day came, it was this really negative experience. Single’s Awareness Day started to become this really popular thing but it didn’t feel like a really healthy place for me. It was really toxic and kind of just foster these really resentful feelings towards myself but also towards the people who were in relationships and living the life that I thought I wanted.
Fast forward. I am 19 years old and I am still single and feeling like a failure. There was this pressure that I felt to get married, to start a family so that I could finally fulfill that purpose. I was DESPRATE to say it very kindly. I was so desperate to have this sort of community nod of approval that I wasn’t this failure. So I found someone that I could marry. I was 3 weeks into my 20th year of life, and I just became a wife. Even when I fulfilled one of my purposes, I still wasn’t closer to loving myself. There was this constant need for more, for me to do better, for me to be more spiritual, for me to be more agreeable, for me to serve my husband more, to read my scriptures more, to pray harder. It was never enough. I WAS NEVER ENOUGH.
Thankfully I have since moved away from this specific ideology and have learned to embrace myself. This is the first Valentine’s Day that I can say with confidence that I am perfectly content in my singleness. I have been able to focus on myself, figure out what I want not want what someone has told me that I wanted. And let me tell you, It is the most rewarding experience. It is truly freeing to put aside these pressures that were placed on me, and just embrace the life that I want to live, and love myself along this journey. It is not selfish to love yourself. It is in fact one of the best things to do for yourself. We are our constant companions, why spend so much time hating who we are? Let’s show ourselves a little more love! Let’s get to know ourselves with love! Spend more time engaging in self love! Make self love a priority in your life!
