The start of this year has been different than the previous two years. My head is finally above water, and my capacity for living life has expanded. However, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. The beginning of a new year creates this energy of change, a desire to start anew and accomplish more. This is the first time in a long time where I have actually wanted to be intentional to change, and growth. Personal growth and grief for me is a very delicate balance. There is a sense of guilt for growing, because it feels as though I’m distancing myself from my grief and essentially my daughter. Logically I’m aware this is a fallacy, but grief is not logical (and sometimes neither am I 🤪). Time already adds a significant distance, and then to make a choice to grow, and heal has been something I’ve wrestled with for quite some time. I feel like if I am not immersed in my grief 24/7 that I’ve moved on and Kalena is not important. I also understand that this situation isn’t all or nothing. I am able to grieve Kalena, while also being able to be more present in my life, with work, relationships, and living.
Now, how do I even accomplish all of this or even function? Honestly, I don’t even know how I am still standing, but here I am. What I’ve learned on my journey is to take small steps. Not everything has to be fixed or decided right this moment. Having grace for myself and setting healthy boundaries is how I will be able to accomplish these things. I have decided to create vision boards for 2023 instead of focusing on resolutions.
For me a vision board creates space for flexibility so that I am able to ebb and flow on my progress alongside my grief. I am not perfect so I can’t expect perfection and that’s when grace plays a huge part in all of this. I can only accomplish what I can accomplish and that is good enough.
Anyway that’s really my take on starting a new year while trying to grieve and trying to live and all of the things. I really felt like a vision board was more in line with my beliefs instead of resolutions. So you should definitely try it out! Plus who doesn’t love getting a little creative once in a while!!! Catch you on the flippity flip 🤍